Finding Me

Summer is at a close folks. It's bittersweet because we've traveled alot this summer (alot for our norm), and I've really enjoyed having the kids at home and doing all sorts of activities we normally don't do during the school year. Basically spoil them. And quite frankly, within the last 2-3 weeks, Mia has started to use her imaginative play which is amazing because I get some down time where she's not crawling all over me. At the same time, it'll be really nice to go to the grocery store without dragging two toddlers with me!

 Last night we had the Change of Command dinner at the Corpus Christi Yacht Club. It was fun to get dressed up again. Although sometimes, gym clothes is as dressed up as I want to be. haha.

 Notice the shoes that I will be bringing to Australia with me as my bridesmaid shoes. Ahhh! less than 5 months till we go! Another adventure begins! But first we must get to the bottom of the title of this post.

I think; personality depending of course; when you are a military wife and you follow your husband where ever they are called to be, you loose a part of yourself. Firstly, because you have no say in the matter and secondly, you find a job that is pretty much not going to be in your field of study; if you even get a job before you next move. You do what you have to do to get by. Then a few years later, you add in a couple kids and your full time job is a SAHM. Yay, I got a job that I want and I'm the BOSS! What a deal! It is a good deal mind you, to be able to be at home and watch them grow, develop and blossom into these mini-yous. It's mind blowing at times, when you get the chance to think about it amidst the loads of laundry, the toys scattered everywhere, STILL cleaning up pee-pee mistakes, cooking, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning etc. I wouldn't change a thing and it's that stage in my life though that I have to accept that I have to put myself aside. And that's just me personally because I can't focus unless the environment is perfect. I can't bake, paint and do the things I love unless I am completely focused, inspired, uninterrupted. I've felt I've lost ME that last couple of years because quite honestly, I don't have the time to do what I love. And when I DO have time, it's 8pm and all I really want to do is sit on my butt and zone out on my shows. It dawned on me today as I was preparing myself to make cinnamon rolls for my friends birthday at church tomorrow, that why I've been SO unsuccessful as of late with baking is because this amazing gift of baking that God has given me, I was going about it all wrong. See, when you do for everyone else and nothing for yourself most days, you get a little greedy with wanting praise for what you DO do when you DO have the time. That's my ultimate mistake. I WANT the praise when really God is the one that gave me this gift and I need to thank Him for this ability. To bake not because I want the credit, but because through it, He gives me the joy, the me that I am looking for. So simple, yet it took me 4 years to realize this. And with this thinking in mind, my cinnamon roll dough turned out beautiful. All thanks to Him. :-) 

Summer Lovin

They are exhausting! There are good days and there are bad days. Days when I just don't feel like dragging two toddlers everywhere and days when I feel like supermom and do like a million things with them. We've been quite busy, travelling to houston the beginning of this month and Brandons been super busy at work, so it feels like he's deployed again at times. However, when I expect him to be home at night, it makes my day revolve around his arriving home and I tend not to do anything with the kids. So theres ups and downs, but I feel a little frazzled as we draw close to the half way mark of our shore tour. I don't think I can emotionally and physically do another sea tour, and come out sane afterwards. But God will give me the strength I need as He always does and by that time, I think Benton will be in kinder. Perhaps that'll make it easier. 

 I'm most motivated in the mornings, even though now with toddlers it seems that I'm neither a morning, afternoon or night person. To be honest. Anyways, it was like 430pm one day and the kids excitedly asked to go in their kiddie pool, which since last summer has sat against the fence in the backyard and I HATE the feel of grass on my feet, legs, whatever. Especially with a dog around. aka poop. So I reluctantly went back there and pulled that pool out and scrubbed for 15 minutes to clean all the bird poop and dirt off of it. Filled it up and the kids proceeded to play in it. For. 10. minutes. Fail.

 They like forts and they are always asking me to make them one. They are SO particular about how their fort is, and I am not. Benton wanted it a certain way, a certain height (who does he get that from?), and a certain everything. He needed the house to be dark, so he would close all the blinds. He did this for 2-3 days before I got fed up and built them a fort to eat their lunch in. Satisfied because I haven't been asked to make another fort. hahaha.

 So....I'm the playdate coordinator for our squadron. After much obstacle with pricing at the new Schlitterbahn in town, we got a good deal for the kiddie and bar pool area. They wanted us to get memberships @ $125/mth just to get in. The ONLY thing built is the kiddie and bar pool, so really why would I pay that much? Luckily, with help from other ladies we managed to get in for $5 pp. Benton and Mia like the water, but they like to snack even more. It was barely 11am and barely 30 minutes into the playdate and they wanted their lunch.

 They like food. Guess who they got that from?

You can't deny them frozen yogurt after 3 hours of swimming!

 Houston was a blast. It was like a bigger Portland, OR. I disliked the Omni we stayed at, but other than that and 4 1/2 hours at the wood store, it wasn't too bad. I'm a home body, and home is where I like to be. It's always fun though to take them to new places and expose them to something other than their immediate surroundings....of seaweed piled beaches.

Homeschoolin it!!!!

I'm reaching here. Really reaching. I've got patience the size of a booger, so my decision to give homeschool a chance over summer may quite possibly be disastrous. I mean, they're preschool, so I'm hoping that it won't be too terribly difficult. I had a perception that they would not take to it well especially since they seem to listen better to every other adult than me sometimes and also that they sometimes don't want to go to school. 

Day 1 of  homeschool

 Luckily for me, they LOVE it. So far anyways ;-) I guess I never really thought they would thirst for activities so much. Thirst and thrive on doing something other than play with their toys and watching movies. Benton hasn't stopped asking me for more work. The first day, we spent a good 4 1/2 hours learning, coloring, writing, painting. Mias attention span is a little shorter, so I have to adjust what I give her in the next week.

The only time in this horrid texas summer that we are able to enjoy being outside is in the evenings. The kids get into bed around 730pm so it leaves little time to really enjoy the outdoors since it doesn't start to get comfortable until 6pm. Thanks to my sister, Bentons silly face is always gonna be pulling his mouth as wide as possible with his fingers. And thank you to my mom, Benton now knows what a selfie is and has not stopped asking to take them. Also, my phone hasn't had a shortage of Bentons forehead. Summer is alot more enjoyable than I thought it would be. I love my babies.

Batman and Princess Elsa

Folks, summers here. AKA NO SCHOOL! FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOMMM! I was really hesitating the start of summer because I find it hard to find things to do with the kids here when they DO have school. It's too hot here to play for more than an hour and a half outside. Ahh...theres nothing like basking in the ripeness that is South Texas.

Oh happy day!

 It's been 3 days since summer began and quite honestly, it hasn't been too bad! We sleep in, we play, we do whatever without too much of a schedule and it's quite nice. I have as of yet run out of things to do with them. Let's just not say that too fast right? I just do at least one "special" thing a day. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna run out of "special" things here pretty soon.

shoving the construction action figure into his dumptruck

 There's been quite a few praises here as of late. Benton's legs were blistering up and I didn't have the foggiest idea what was causing it. I took him to urgent care, and even though he got antibiotics for the redness around his blisters, there was no definite answer as to what was biting him. Thankfully today, I was talking to my neighbor who just got back into town and she told me that her sons are allergic to mosquitoes and have the same blisters. It's an actual thing! At least now I am certain what it is!

After a dip in their pool, shes out playing with her G.I Joes. Yup, no barbies in this house

 Mias' praise is that both her eyes are seeing perfectly and she does not need to see the ophthalmologist again for another year! YIPPEE!!!

"I'm G.I Joe!" "No, I'm G.I Joe!"

 Brandons praise is that the etsy orders keep on coming in. Not in floods, and not in dry spells either. Gods timing is perfect as always. He never gives us too much to overload us, but enough to keep us busy.

Mia shelling her pinto beans

 Mias pinto beans are finally ready for harvest. She picked them and was so excited to help me cook them for lunch. This will be the first time she ate beans, and as I assumed, the last time those things ever enter her mouth. But she tried them and ate all of them. What can I say ;-)

Mias' pinto beans, finally harvested

Oh by the way. Her names not Mia. It's Elsa, from Frozen. The other day at dinner, she turned to me and said "I'm princess Elsa...come on snowman lets go out and play.....(transitions into a song)...i'm so tired, I am done..........." HAHAHAHA. My girl, precious and sweet, fiesty and adorable. She's altogether growing too fast. Her legs are like ladders. She didn't get that from me. 

I'm too old for this

I'm 31. I'm coming to the realization that I am old because:

1) I am enjoying gardening. Perhaps even pulling out weeds in a house I do not own. I currently have lettuce, pinto beans, brussel sprouts, long beans, peppers, cantaloupe, spaghetti squash, onions, carrots and tomatoes flourishing in my backyard. I also have a staghorn, 2 orchids, and 4 indoor plants that freshen the air we breathe. 

2) I can't get up without bracing my knee if I'm kneeling on the floor.

3)It takes me 3 days to recover from a weekend that requires me to be out of the house all day and going to sleep past my usual 10pm bedtime.

Brandon, Mia, Benton and Uncle Sean watching sesame street characters sing and dance

Which brings me to the weekend Brandons brother Sean and his girlfriend Stacy came to visit us. We got up bright and early on sunday and hopped in the car headed for san antonios Sea World. Yay! 830am in the car, I was yawning. We got there at 10am. I was thinking to myself. It's sunday! No ones gonna be at SeaWorld. Everyones gonna be in church. Eeeh. SO WRONG!

Mia on the carousel

 We met them inside SeaWorld and when we saw Uncle Sean and Miss Stacy, I told Mia to go give him a hug. She ran, a little weary. As she ran closer, Uncle Sean got bigger and then she just started to cry. lol. Poor girl. She didn't realise how big Uncle Sean was. It's ok, all was forgotten once he handed her the movie "Frozen." She warmed up fast. ;-)

 My adventurous little gal couldn't go on any of the rides, so while brother went with the others to go on some rides, Mia and I went and took pictures with Ernie, Bert and 'Abby Dabby,' as she calls her.

Photo op with Elmo

 We were there until closing, 530pm. Benton went on a big person rollercoaster. A watercoaster and he almost about wet his pants. I could tell when he came off the ride that he wasn't sure whether he should cry or be brave. He went with brave but he was sure to tell me that he wasn't' gonna do it again. I called brandon to tell him to make sure to hold on to benton as they went down. From the picture that I bought of them coming down, Brandon was clearly too scared to hold onto Benton. lol. I'm glad they were safe, but Bentons not going on another one for a while and that makes mommy feel alot better. I was a basketcase waiting for them for 50 minutes. I also got dragged on to a rollercoaster. I'm a no thrill, land based girl. Lets just put it at that.

Mia buried in the sand and loving it.

 We didn't get back till 11pm and the kids were FUSSY! They fell asleep in the car and I couldn't not shower them when we got back. So just imagine the amount of crying that happened waking them up to put them in the tub.

Benton and Miss Stacy

 The next day we headed to the beach. Beautiful day. Brandon asked me why I would put 100 SPF on. Later that day, he knew the answer. His back was as red as a lobster and he was in pain for the next 3 days. Benton has a little crush on Miss Stacy. He was hanging onto her every movement. She was a good sport about it all for sure.

Benton getting in on some burying action

 It wasn't pretty to go into the ocean, even though the boys did. There was like 2 ft of seaweed between the ocean and the beach. Gross. They went body boarding but didn't really catch anything at all. Even Mia decided that she wasn't gonna have anything to do with the water. She's always the one that jumps right in.

Splish splash. Mia is actually letting Sean hold her!!!!

 It's always fun going to the beach with the kids. They love it and it tires them out. They passed out on the way home.

Benton and Mia buried daddy in the sand!

 We got a babysitter and had a double date. We really only get the babysitter so that she can put the kids to bed. I'm too old and tired to do much else after 7pm, so we had to wait it out till past 8pm in order to have the kids asleep. lol

So what did we do after dinner? We went to gattitown, for me. Cause I like to play those games but really....I think the guys had alot more fun than they let on. :-)

THIS. IS. WAR PAINT!!!!!

 Thank you to the genius of a person who created washable paint. Thank you! Brandon and I had to get a table finished for a friend and the kids were bored outta their minds. This is what happens when it is always sunny and you are ALWAYS outside. So....we got an old piece of plywood out, handed them the paint and let them loose.

Artists at work. Do not disturb

 Mia had a blast but Benton is really the one who LOVES to paint. He loves to color. He colors everything.

Where'd all the paint go?

 Granted Mia is still young, so she doesn't have the attention span to do any one task for much longer than 10 minutes. Except maybe eating.

The walk of a proud artist whose canvas is complete

'Texas hurricane' - any takers? Going for 1 million dollars

I have no idea why, but I love their paintings. They're sooooo free and unrestrained. That's the hardest thing to paint as an adult. To just paint whatever. To not be confined in your art is confining. To me anyways.

Lastly, I leave you with the coolest daughter ever. Yup. She's sanding a piece of wood with her sunglasses and tutu on. No shoes mind you. My fun loving free hippie daughter. 

Deep thoughts here

One thing I really relish about childhood innocence is their ability to socialize without fear, without walls, without filters and without past incidences affecting their desire to play together. I love that, and I have none of that. 

My sister has the uncanny personality of being SO outgoing and making many friends despite, I'm sure the same type of prejudice I had to endure growing up in a largely non-Asian country. At that time anyways. But she's overcome that, and she makes it look so easy. 

I on the other hand, feel as though with age, I shrink a little more and more away from people. You could say its my stage of life, or maybe the military lifestyle or perhaps my inability to forget the emotional scars racism has left. Whichever option, I need to get over it and learn to love who God made me to be. Be it shy, be it an introvert, or be it the fact that I speak toddler instead of adult. God loves me, so why is it so hard to see why He loves me so much that He chose me? 

Gosh, I hate delving into my deep feelings and emotions. Ick! But every time I go to an event where I have to interact with people, I feel as though I don't have anything in common with them. I feel judged, which I know is all in my head because everyone I've meet in my married life has been more than welcoming. I just can't seem to let the past go. Like why a middle aged Maori guy would flip off a 7 year old just sitting in a car, I'll never know. I will never understand it, but I'll never forget it. I know I'm different and being a Christian doesn't make it any easier. Granted, I am not persecuted, if at all, to the extent other Christians in say, China or Egypt are. Although, there are things that make life hard in our "free" America, where everything under the sun is accepted except the Christian God. I'm not saying all people in America mind you. 

So, I like a glass of wine or two once in a blue moon. There's nothing wrong with drinking, but I don't want to use that as a way to relax myself so I can be more social. I'm 31. I don't think I need to drink like a college student in order to be cool. Ugh, my morals and values. Man, sometimes they make me awkward in social situations. 

I will always remember Mops in Oak Harbor, WA. They made that extra effort of asking us to push ourselves out of our own bubble and go invite a friend for a playdate. That's when my good friend Kami stepped up to the plate and invited me over for a playdate. Sweetest person ever and we get along so well and I miss her and her son so much. I miss our weekly playdates. I'd like to say it was all for the kids, but really it was for me. Without Kami, I think that deployment cycle would have been SO much more unbearable. So thank you MOPs and thank you Kami. Benton and Mia misses Bryce. ;-) So, needless to say, its hard to top a military community like that. Really tough, and another reason why its hard for me to  make an effort here. 

Alot on my mind, and alot to work on, to forget, to forgive and to cherish. It does make me who I am today, but I can also be more. I just gotta figure out how to squish all that in and make it work. 

Summers Eve

Spring here is summer everywhere else. It's a battle I deal with daily. It's so nice out, I feel as though I need to be outside so as not to waste the sunshine but at the same time the best time to be outside is in the early evenings. It was easy with mom here, cause cooking would be a team effort and things were done quickly and the kids were occupied and still got to bed on time.

Examining the tomato plants

 Many early evenings were spent in the back yard watering the vege garden. Mias pinto beans have pods now and getting bigger everyday and the tomato plants are flourishing. 

She loves the camera and the camera loves her

 Surprisingly, Mia is really good about watering the veges. I started out thinking Benton would be the better one at it cause he's older and he was really excited about all those seeds he shoved into the cart at Home Depot.

Headed to the park

 While Popo was here, we would take walks after dinner to the little park a couple blocks down. Perfect temperature. Mia, a true lady, took her purse. I ended up holding it. Benton is a force to be reckoned with with his bike riding skills. Now, I make him wear a helmet cause hes as fast as the wind. Daddy thinks his training wheels can come off. Mommy....excited at the thought but thats my baby! It means that he's grown up! :-( Noooooooooooooooooo

Peace out!

 The kids have been bugging me about going to the park every day. Mostly Benton. But with Popo back in Portland, and Daddy at work at the times that would be ideal to go to the park, it's just a little too much. Add on the dog. He wants to come too. So there has been many tears shed this week.

Whoosh

 Mia has always been a happy girl, but more so ever since she turned 2 and started being able to express herself with words. She was a happy but rather terror of a baby. For the first year of her life she had huge issues with poops and it would keep her up most nights and she also had a lot of digestive issues which didn't help either. So, a year or more of sleepless nights seem non existent when I now see her happy and smiling more often than not. Perhaps a huge reason why I'm a little hesitant about having another baby, ontop of other things.

Bringing the kid out in mom

 Popo getting in on the playground action! That park is such a wreck and I have no idea why the kids love it. Of course, at their age that doesn't really matter :-) I wish I could relax a bit more and be a little more free like they are. Responsibilities!

I'd like to think shes in deep thought, but really she's probably thinking 'Where is everyone?'

 Mia just loves the swing. She seeks thrilling speed and high climbs. She's a tomboy. A tomboy with hairclips and a purse.

Racing home

They miss their Popo. Benton tells me he's sad because popo is not here and Mia thinks popo is in the bathroom when the door is closed. Sad :-(

Mamas Know Best!

Growing as a mother to 2 toddlers, I am admitting through gritting teeth and as my mom always told me "Moms know best." ;-) A few times a week I find that I warn my children about a danger and when they disobey, they see that Mom was right. And I am smacked in the face with the fact that MY mom was right about things that she gave me advice about. How humbling. 

Mia and Benton checking out their plants

God worked it so that the soonest I could have my surgery was right around the time my mom said she would come visit, hoping that my surgery would be around then so that she could help me out with the kids and the house. Selfishly I just wanted to get the surgery over with. I'm supermom, I can do all things. Right? I mean, come on, the doc said I would be back to normal in like 2 days. 

Mom watering for me cause I couldn't lift more than 5 lbs

 Boy. Thank the Lord, His timing is perfect because I needed my mom there! She was a great help especially with the unexpected events that arose for Brandon at work that he really couldn't get out of. And of course my willing friend Cye who took the time out of her busy morning to drive me to the hospital. Definitely wouldn't have been as smooth sailing that morning had she not been there for me and made our whole family dinner that night.

Learning to ride a bike

 I was surprised how smooth sailing the entire process at the hospital was. I didn't wait more than 7 minutes before they called me back and hooked me up to the IV, gave me rest for 20 minutes, talked to my anesthesiologist before wheeling me into the OR waiting area where brandon met me. From there the doc came in to tell me the procedure, we waited for 15 minutes before they wheeled me into the OR and knocked me out. BEST SLEEP EVER. 1230pm I was trying to look at my incisions but my head was so heavy and Brandon just kept laughing at me. 2pm - Home and feeling like superwoman. That wasn't bad at all! I can go lift weights now. I woke up the next day like I had fallen on my face. I was awesome because I was on hydrocodone. Oh.

Yum

 All in all the the incisions themselves aren't nearly as painful and annoying as my insides having to figure out how to recover. We celebrated Moms birthday with a crab boil. We found a fresh seafood store. Whoohoooooooooooooo!!!! Invited the Lloyds to thank them for their help and I even managed to bake a Red Velvet cake. :-)

Yes, God and the role he gave us as Mamas, knows best.

Holidays are always exciting in and of themselves. A time to get together, share food, play and for the few lucky ones, be able to make it to their kids Easter parties at school! 

 Kids really make the holiday so much more fun. If it weren't for the kids, I'd just be working for somebody really hating the fact that I was at work. With the kids, I get to see them enjoy your friends, their innocence, their love, their ability to share despite their apparent inability to share at home. It gives you that pat on the back you so need when most of the time it feels like you are failing as a parent.

 Texas in April is suppose to be anything but chilly with a wind blast but it was this April morning. Everyones noses were dripping but we got through it.

 I may just have been an adult so long that I didn't realise what confetti eggs are, or perhaps I'm just oblivious but they are SO much fun!!!! I tried to smash one on Benton head but of course I had a hard egg shell and it just knocked him on the head. lol. SO......after that he thought that was how you were suppose to smash the eggs to get the confetti out.

 BIG mommy fail. Poor little Kyle. He got the brunt of Bentons egg smashing practice. Kyles mother probably thought I was the worse mother ever. :-( I was so busy taking pictures that I didn't catch onto how rough Benton was.

 Bentons amazing and loving teachers. Ms. Sarah and Ms. Martha. Oh how much they love my child and advocate for him.

What else to do after some egg hunting than chowing down on some confetti cupcakes! Beautiful Sadie and Benton.

 So, I got them a pinata. And fun was had!

 Mias party was right before end of school and I'm glad that it was because Brandons flight got cancelled and he was able to experience one of their parties! Which I am SO so so thankful for. I was surprised that they were all so awake after their nap!

 Mia was probably awake because shes been looking forward to her easter party for like 5 days now. lol. Mias best friend Kennedy. Who can be in a bad mood waking up to a sugar cookie and juice?

 Time for some hunting of eggs. Mia did a great job. She's pretty fast about getting candy apparently. Survival of the fittest.

 She fits into the dress that her aunty Tiff made her back in December! She's grown so much lately. She feels a couple pounds heavier this week.

This Easter my mom will be here with us which I am very excited about and I'm excited to make the kids resurrection rolls to teach them about Christs sacrifice for us, his 3 days in the tomb and his rising. Happy Easter Y'all! (officially Texanish)